Yellow Kayak Helmet Mohawk

Some gifts just keep on taking. You know what we mean: the kind of well-intentioned present that burdens the recipient with the obligation to pay for its upkeep, or put a lot of work into maintaining it. The kind of gift that makes you wish the giver had forgotten your birthday – like, say, a koala bear, or a build-your-own-particle-accelerator kit, or an abandoned factory site polluted with benzene hexachloride. Uh, thanks for finding a new way to squander my precious time and resources, but no thanks.

That’s why we don’t recommend giving this yellow kayak helmet mohawk to anyone you care about, unless you throw in a pile of cash to pay for the kayak helmet (not included, we’re saying). See, it’s a perfectly good mohawk. waterproof. designed for rough water. colorful, it’s got 5 suction cups to hold it on, and a 3 year warranty. 

But chances are your recipient will feel obligated to use this helmet mohawk, especially if that recipient is, like, your grandma: “Oh, that was so nice, to give me this kayak helmet mohawk. It’d be rude to not use it.” So she’ll put it on, and at first it’ll be fine, but she’ll grow to resent the constant attention on the water, and one day she’ll tune into “Ethel” because she thinks it has something to do with Ethel Merman but she’ll hear the Yeah Yeah Yeahs instead, poor dear, and your grandma will hate you, and then where will you be?

Buy the helmet mohawk for yourself. Leave your poor grandma alone.